Andrew is BROKE!

another long period passes before I blog...
life is cooling down, and I'm finding it easier to cope..

Thanks everybody for standing by me even through these times...

Last week was a random party event that Gandy hosted.. heh.. was really great, people from previous generations of AVA and the current generation got to meet each other...

but... they still made me drunk.

zZz...

I seriously do not understand why my alcohol threshold is so low... I'm probably the person with the lowest alcohol tolerance among all my friends.

things I've actually gotten seriously drunk on:

1) e-"something" wine cooler from 7-11 (1 bottle)
2) Hooch, flavored vodka cooler from Waterbar (1/2 bottle)
3) 1 SHOT OF TEQUILLA.
4) Half a pint of beer from Brewerkz
5) Choya, half a glass (approx 100ml)
6) Red wine, half a cup

Yes.

I've gotten dead drunk over these stuff. With the Tequilla giving the worst hangover in my entire life.

Some people's DNA code calls for a different, less efficient acetaldehyde dehydrogenase. This leads to a buildup of acetaldehyde after alcohol consumption, causing the alcohol flush reaction with hangover-like symptoms such as flushing, nausea, and dizziness. These people are unable to drink much alcohol before feeling sick, and are therefore less susceptible to alcoholism.^[5][6]

apparently I'm in this category...
sigh...

Oh well. Luckily I become dead drunk...

...

shucks.. recently I've been spending waaaay too much money..

This 3 months critical expenditure blowouts-
1) $60+ on grocery expenditure
2) $300 on supplements (awaiting $200 from other friends)
3) $100 on protein and DHA/EPA
4) $75 top up on BBDC drivers account
5) $85 on Kayaking course
6) $36 on Newton's Life Run
7) $140 on birthday presents
8) $160 on a restaurant
9) $60 on another four restaurants

Total Expenditure: $1016
Income from SAF: $1200
Assets: $250

Total left over less criticals: $434
Monthly Bills:
i. Transport Bill (MRT): $50 x 3 $150
ii. Transport Bill (Bus): $20 x 3 $60
iii. Transport Bill (Taxi): $50
iv. Aesthetics Expenditure: $70

Total Bills: $330

Total left over less criticals and bills: $104

Income from "Company X": $60
Income from "Company Y": $100 + $10

Total Profit on a general scale : $274

Btw. That does not count the amount that I spend eating everyday, the random stuffs I buy from Daiso etc etc.

so.. per month..

sigh.

I'm really poor ain't I..

sobz



Reedited - 31 03 2009
author's note :

Total profit on general scale : $274
LESS : Loss of passport = $120
LESS : Repair specs = $50

Recalculated profit on general scale : $154

The End of Winter

and so it ends...
my mind is more blind then it has ever been.... and my heart really feels empty...

The person I love is gone forever... and we both agreed on it.

I feel like a killer with a contract - to kill myself...

*cries*

It suddenly feels so lonely.. so very cold out there..

I've spent almost a tenth of my entire life with him, and then its just "gone"..

all the hugs, finger wrestling, poking and cuddling...
all the ruffling of hair nose to nose kisses...
all the whispers of "i love you more then anything else" ...

most of the relationships i had ended on a bad note... but I think I'm at peace, knowing that we did the best for ourselves...


he says he will fade into the shadows... back to where he came from.
i will......
i don't know... it's just so sudden..

but i think its time. its finally time to get back with God.




my hibernation is over.

I think I'm sick of blogging.
Heh.

Never thought that day would come... I knew the time would come when I'll be really too busy to blog, and neglect my blog.. but this is really unprecedented..

... I'm actually too lazy too blog...

The pasts week have taken a pretty sever toll on me.. I think its pretty much like a grinding stone...
Even the weather is topsy turvy... first the meteorological station was proclaiming January to be the driest month in ten years, then God seems to say, "oops", then it starts to rain cats and dogs everyday...

... not that I really hate the rain.. it just disrupts many of my schedules...
coz most of my free times are spend either swimming or tanning... (stop sniggering), or at the gym.

People keep asking me if I'm still a Christian, especially after the recent incidents and stuffs that happened..
I've said it, and I'll say it a million times over.
"I believe in God - the Christian God, His Son - Jesus, and The Councellor - The Holy Spirit."

I am a Christian in that aspact,
but over the months, I've realized that "what God thinks is best for us" IS NOT what makes us happy.
He doesn't care whether we are happy (presently), but rather if
i. His ultimate Will is done
ii. What is for the greater good.

I've been discussing with.. umm... a person inside, and we've came to a weird conclusion...
If everybody asked God for what they think is best for them, the world would be in abject chaos.
i.e.
Person A asks : "God, please smite this horrible DXO for me, he makes my life terrible."
Person B asks : "God, why is this happening? I just want to make amends, but its too hard for me to do so."

God cannot do both, but he can offer a central solution - such as providing a situation where both can understand each other and maybe even become friends.
- but that being so, both parties may not appreciate the push towards this solution.

God does what He thinks is best. - Not what we thinks is best.

haha... sounds ridiculous to some people I bet, but this is what I believe in, and I am sure that even some Christians would oppose our thinking, but yup, thats the way it goes.





I can breathe easier now.

Happy birthday darling, you're 21 years old already.
stop behaving like a little kid all the time k?
or I'll keep pinching your cheeks and messing up your hair..

... I love you...

*hugs tight*

o.O

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009's Resolutions.

Well, ironically - me being a Christian, it seems that my new year has started out on "Chinese New Year"... making 2008 one of the longest years I ever lived..

You know, everybody has a threshold. A limit which people can push, and beyond that... they just die - or run away for that matter.
Since I can't run away from SAF, my heart to serve the army has finally given up.

A thankless job is bad enough, but a thankless job where people berate you on a daily basis, spread false rumors about your department and look at your men with scorn. There's a limit.

Men's health wrote an article this week about "burnout". - exactly how my department is working now.


Anyway, as usual (but a little late), I have to make a list of resolutions that I plan to complete by the end of 2009.
sigh... sometimes life gives you pain, but if pain doesn't kill you - it can only make you stronger..

at least that's my idea I take with me to the gym everytime I step inside the arena.



TEN RESOLUTIONS. ONE OUTCOME : SUCCESS.

1) Save up for a true synthesizer/arranger, along with a sequencer.
Difficulty Rating : 8/10
The total cost for an arranger, a sequencer and of course the MIDI dongle that allows communication with PC would amount up to about $4000++ at least. This is the second step in my ultimate goal of cutting an album.
I'll have to save up at least 50% of my money every month, along with finding a freelance job outside to finance the requirement. The first step is to get the synth and the dongle at least.
Time Given - 1 year


2) Refresh my Grade 8 practical.
Difficulty Rating : 4/10
Its been almost 6 years since the time I finished my Grade 8. I think its about time to refresh it.
I'll have to find 3 grade 8 songs that sound nice (not easy!), and commit to finishing it in about 6 months.
Time Given - 6 months


3) Obtain my Car License.
Difficulty Rating : 3/10
I think I've procrastinated too long already, putting away the practical lessons due to monetary and time constraints. Its time to finish what I started long time ago.
I'll have to finance about $120 a month/4 lessons. Then I'll finish it in 3 months.
Time Given - 3 months


4) Obtain my Coporal First Class rank
Difficulty Rating : [0-10]/10
The difficulty rating being so high varies on the amount of commitment I want to allocate to my work. Now being 10/10 because of the utter lack of motivation and love for my work.
I need to find something to love in my work. For my ownself. The CFC rating is a forgone tribute for the ICs in my department. And of course, pass my frigging SBJ. (surprised?)
Time Given - 5 months

5) Decide if I want to continue studying or work, - and act on it.
Difficulty Rating : 7/10
Now that my portfolio is destroyed, I don't really have much to show any university... I don't even have much to show to any company that hires me. But like it or not, cruel life still goes on and I have to make one of the most important decisions in my life - to continue studying or start working.
If I choose to work, I need to find a company who will accept a video producer who will work freelance initially, then full time.
If I choose to go to university, I need to make a convincing report of my achievements, and I need to apply to many, many universities.
Time Given : 2 MONTHS

6) Take Alvin on a really long relaxing vacation.
Difficulty Rating : 5/10
I promised to go on a holiday with him last year, and I'm yet to fulfill that promise. This time I'll make it up twice. No shopping, no stress, no work - just pure relaxation; watching the rippling waves, setting sun and cool sea breeze; finding tasty food and just contemplating.
I'll need to wait for at last 3 months starting from February, when my dear will finally have finish his BMT, get inducted into his new unit and finally be able to clear his leave(s) or off(s).
It'll cost about $1000

7) Run at least 3 10km and above runs this year.
Difficulty Rating : 6/10
The difficulty is kinda high, because I plan to be able to run Army and Standard Chartered 21km at the end of this year. I can't really imagine how on earth am I going to do it, but I still wanna try. Thus I think I'll become much leaner by the end of this year as I'm concentrating on building endurance and definition this year.
I'll need to do my 1o km runs at least 5 times a month, on top of the standard weekly army runs. Quite tough, considering my abnormal schedule.
It'll cost about $70+


8) Get a clear answer from God - read: NOT HUMANS. About His stance on Homosexuality.
Difficulty Rating : [0-99]/10
It really depends if he wants to talk about it. If he wants to hold his silence, I'll never be able to find an answer too.
And no. I am not going to look to the Bible for answers. To me, the Bible is a book of chains that promise freedom. It is the LAW which describes the source of LIFE.
I'm going to ask him directly.
It can cost me my life.

9) Eliminate the last bit of scars from my face.
Difficulty Rating : 5/10
I think I'm kinda happy with the improvement on my face. Haha. Sounds stupid. But if you saw me like 5 years ago, you might think differently.
Needless to say, I need to step up on my regime. I've been slacking a bit. But alot still needs to be done.
It should cost me about $80 per month.
Time given : 8 months

10) Get my abs.
Difficulty Rating : 2/10
Stupid resolution that I keep making every year. I'm starting to wonder if it's within the genes for me NOT to get it. But considering the amout of endurance training I'm doing this year, I think if I don't get it, I'll be quite surprised, after all its just that stubborn little layer of fat aroud the waist! ARRGH.
I need to complete 6 series of cables, 12 series of cruches, 12 series of sit ups, 6 series of leg raises, 3 series of obliques resistance and 3 series of roman chairs every week.
Not much difficulty as I'm already almost doing it every week.
Time given : 5 Months



well.. This is about it. My usual 10 resolutions per year.
There are some resolutions in my mind that I wanna do, but the time span might cross over a year.
This are some of my ultimate goals within 5 years

A. Cut a professional music album with the ASH
B. Show that a hardcore gymmer CAN run 42km
C. Go to university
D. Start returning my dad and mum their investment on me
E. Find a good, stable job at a media company

F. I finally received an answer (re:8)
Route 1 : [The Green Light Option] I will put my full strength, and with God's help create one of the strongest christian community where homosexuals can be fully assured about their sexuality and that there is no condemnation
Route 2 : [The Red Light Option] I will ask God to change me. Through fire and storms, pain and agony. And if He will not, I will ask why again.
Route 3 : [No Light] There is no question now. I will still believe in God, but never again like how it was like in the past... I will still worship. But love, I think not.





zzz.. I wrote so much.
But this is one of my more important articles in a year.
=)

I leave on a happy note! I got half day off today! xD


ciAoz~!

you're back!... and I'm not about to let you leave my side...
*hugs*


I love you dear

Help Me God...

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight

'Cause You were there, You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb

'Cause You were there,
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there always
You were there when obedience
Seemed to not make sense
You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So haven't I learned that my ways
Aren't as high as Yours are
And You alone keep the universe
From crumbling into dust
You are God and though we would
Not have understood You
There You were

Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With Your last breath

You were there, You were there
During history’s darkest hour
You were there, You were there always
You were the Victor and the King
You were the power in David's swing
You were the calm in Abraham
You are the God who understands
You are the strength when we have none
You are the living, Holy one
You were, You are and You will always be
the Risen Lamb of God

You were, You are and You will always be
The Risen Lamb of God

`- Avalon

where are you God...
where are you now...
you promised you would be with me always...

Why are all these things happening to me?

Are you there, when it seems impossible to win the battle against such wicked tyranny?
I'm trembling with all my might now...
Its really happening to me...

I can't win against such hate against my people...

Hold my hand, my God.
Whisper into my ear and tell me you are there...
Be my shield and my fortress...
And I will praise you all the days of my life...

Are you there, when all my life work shatters into nothingness? When I fall down from such a height, such a confidence... That I feel I may not ever recover again?
I lost my battle...
But I realized that it has been my own battle I have been fighting all along..

God, in all His sovereignty - had better plans
Lead me, my God.
Push me into the path that leads to your battle.
I don't want to be fighting for myself...
I want to be fighting for you..
And when the battle is won, I will hug you so close and I know you will say I fought well...


Dear God...
It seems so bleak now... I can't even move..
No... I don't even know where to move now...
I can't get into university without my portfolio now.. is it Your will?

I really don't understand...
You gave me this song, and it seems that my whole future is so unclear now..

I worked for you, and I worked hard...

Will you forsake your servant?

Why do you let this happen to me?

I thought you said that you love me...


is this how you treat the child you love?


my life is at its darkest moments and hardest crossroads... and just when I'm about to take a step forward, your light suddenly disappears...

I've lost so much faith and trust..

oh God... you held me so close before.. where are you now?

where are you now????!!!!

I do not doubt that You exist, because I know you do..
but you said that you love me.
if by dying on the cross satisfies everything, I want to die on the cross too..

you said that you love me...


father... prove it.